I find concepts beautiful. They are literally that...beautiful...!! There is this one theory by Charles Cooley called 'looking glass self' which describes how our definition and perception of ourselves is dependent of how others see us. There is a beautiful line that says - I am not who i think i am, i am not who you think i am, i am what i think you think i am...! So true. But i will come to this theory later....its too closely related to our everyday lives.
There is this other concept...its not a theory by anyone but its a concept....the concept of Nationality....its a beautiful one too. Do we ever think how did this concept of nationality come into being? How did we become patriotic about a piece of land, about our people or the culture that we follow...?! Long long ago there was no such thing as Nationality. People lived together, there even was solidarity but no concept of 'this is my land and i am proud of it. Just think about it...the emergence of Nationhood....long ago the Russian Government used its folk culture, the songs and dances, to induce into people this idea of a Nation. Now with all the politcal boundaries so solidly fixed it has become easier to identify ourselves as belonging to a certain group or a region or a culture. We use history nowadays...to reiforce into people what a great country we live in. Do you now understand that its all a very well thought, planned strategy! That heroes were not incidental..but created and that too not for fun or for entertainment but as a strategy..to bind people together. A Julies Ceaser, Prithviraj Chauhan, Shivaji, Antony....are all heroes that were created out of a need....!
History....one of my favourite subjects, not because it educates me and informs me about people that were and the lives that they lived and the brave endavours they undertook...but because its the most brilliantly crafted and the most accepted lie in the world. History..no one challengs it..ever..! Do i go and ask, but what is the proof? Who says so? We fail to understand that History is but a point of view...held by a small group of people who decided to give their opnion on an individual...in the effort they glamoriesed events and people and gave us our heroes..people who have gone down in history. Ofcourse this is not to say that those events did not happen or that Gandhi is merely a figment of one's imagination...but the story that we know is not the whole story..it can't be, its the story in the voice of the majority..or the voice of the dominant people.
Anyway...i think i am getting distracted and entering into territories that i didnt mean to..i was talking about beautiful things...about the beauty of how people have literally 'given' us this sense of who we are and where we belong to. Think about it..!!!!!
6/9/07
I want to talk...just talk!
I want to talk..........just talk.....!! You know one of those times when you want to let it all out? Not all that i feel makes sense...but why does everything 'have' to make sense all the time?? I want someone to listen, just listen.... I don't want solutions, i don't want directions, i don't want advice... I want an ear..thats all..!
I want to talk about a million things - about what is it that i look forward to each day, what makes me happy and what is it that is making me unhappy, about the colour of the sky when i was returning today and the conversation i had with God (someone whom i don't believe in), about the house that i saw from the window of an old rattling bus and the emotions that i felt, the images that i saw, about an old man who climbed the bus with an old torn bag..he looked like my grandfather. about my mother who feels distant from me, about a boy who makes me laugh, about a man i love, about how my tears refuse to roll down when i so want them to, about how my head aches and i cant stop thinking...he tells me not to think...but scarlett O Hara had that ability to put aside a thought and say 'i will think about this tomorrow when i can bear it, not now'. Trust me i have tried that....god, it works in books........doesnt work with me...!
I look for a story...in my life...and the problem is that there is none. My life is as ordinary and regular as my neighbours or of the million other people living. Nothing out of the way is happening, there is no excitment, no thrill. I am neither a hero nor a villan not even a side actor...! Perhaps thats what causes all the problems..the fact that i look for a story..when there is none my mind makes one..tries to. A mind that does not know a shit about what its saying..and why...a mind without directions, without control and without logic. It just goes berserk. He is right, he makes sense..tries to give a direction to my thoughts, tries to control it...to bring it to a reality called 'Life'. I am stubborn and resist it, try to push it away..a beautiful story, a dream is being taken away...he tells me its necessary to let it go...its important...i know it is i say....and..........finally i surrender, give up and Life is Life again, she is real...standing there in front of me..mocking me for my stupid,feeble effort...she's got the better of me, she always does...she knows best and she is stubborn like hell....always does what she wants,always gets her way...LIFE...!
Got you - I have my story here...!
I want to talk about a million things - about what is it that i look forward to each day, what makes me happy and what is it that is making me unhappy, about the colour of the sky when i was returning today and the conversation i had with God (someone whom i don't believe in), about the house that i saw from the window of an old rattling bus and the emotions that i felt, the images that i saw, about an old man who climbed the bus with an old torn bag..he looked like my grandfather. about my mother who feels distant from me, about a boy who makes me laugh, about a man i love, about how my tears refuse to roll down when i so want them to, about how my head aches and i cant stop thinking...he tells me not to think...but scarlett O Hara had that ability to put aside a thought and say 'i will think about this tomorrow when i can bear it, not now'. Trust me i have tried that....god, it works in books........doesnt work with me...!
I look for a story...in my life...and the problem is that there is none. My life is as ordinary and regular as my neighbours or of the million other people living. Nothing out of the way is happening, there is no excitment, no thrill. I am neither a hero nor a villan not even a side actor...! Perhaps thats what causes all the problems..the fact that i look for a story..when there is none my mind makes one..tries to. A mind that does not know a shit about what its saying..and why...a mind without directions, without control and without logic. It just goes berserk. He is right, he makes sense..tries to give a direction to my thoughts, tries to control it...to bring it to a reality called 'Life'. I am stubborn and resist it, try to push it away..a beautiful story, a dream is being taken away...he tells me its necessary to let it go...its important...i know it is i say....and..........finally i surrender, give up and Life is Life again, she is real...standing there in front of me..mocking me for my stupid,feeble effort...she's got the better of me, she always does...she knows best and she is stubborn like hell....always does what she wants,always gets her way...LIFE...!
Got you - I have my story here...!
6/1/07
How much is too much???!
No really...how much is too much?? Am trying to write, trying to express what i mean when i ask this question but somehow am so jumbled up in my head that i cant write. Dont know how to frame my question?! As if this is a question for which i will receive a precise answer, as if it matters!
How do you know when you are driving someone up the wall? How do you know when your demands and wants start becoming unfair? How do you know how much to ask? I wonder sometimes if what i am asking for is too much..! Tell me, how do i know? By dialouge, thats the only way that i can think of. Why does dialouge become difficult? Because we cant let go of our desires. Sometimes i refuse to understand or bend because i feel the ache of my want so much that its difficult to ignore it. Its a step by step process..you want A and then you want 2A,3A...and so on. Is it too much?
How do you know when you are driving someone up the wall? How do you know when your demands and wants start becoming unfair? How do you know how much to ask? I wonder sometimes if what i am asking for is too much..! Tell me, how do i know? By dialouge, thats the only way that i can think of. Why does dialouge become difficult? Because we cant let go of our desires. Sometimes i refuse to understand or bend because i feel the ache of my want so much that its difficult to ignore it. Its a step by step process..you want A and then you want 2A,3A...and so on. Is it too much?
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