Horn ok please...!!

Kasturi's thoughts while coming back home from office - "I hope i haven't made a mistake in the estimate i sent...what was the amount..?... jute bag laden, oily hair tied..the bharatiya naari launches herself into the street...without looking to her right or left. She is the queen...we, the idiots better make way for her, she is taking vegetables to feed her family. UHHHHHH #^&(*%^$^#^%(*&(*....irritating women..!! Have you seen these women, hurtling their kids by their hands..pulling the arm apart while shaking them in rage for not staying close enough or running through busy crowded streets? These women themselves need a crash course that reads "crossing the road - do's and don'ts"

The traffic in Mumbai is pretty organized you know...compared to other cities....not that I've been to too many, but so i hear.! People here are disciplined, except the fact that they are a 100 meters ahead and right in the middle of the road, ready to pounce even before the signal light turns green. We are a pretty well behaved cohort. Lanes are marked. Most...Most roads have a divider that makes driving and focusing so much easier...well...you can let your thoughts run wherever they want to..almost. The inside lanes are the problem areas. There are no dividers. Vegetable vendors and cobblers and fruit wallas are sitting on either side of the road. Unthinking, unlooking(i know there is no such word), self involved people shuttle through these streets..rather narrow lanes, with such confidence and spontaniety...its amazing. You cannot think of driving through mumbai without hurtling abuses...!! A huge tanker will find its way somehow through these kutti kutti roads and the butt of an autorickshaw..struggling to poke its nose into the next lane to take a U-turn will cause a traffic jam. One lane is not moving because the rickshaw is stuck in the middle..like a croocked arm..neither in this lane or that. The tanker guy honks incessantly...and so are a hundred others. The bikers are nudging and manuvering their vehicals from the side stree..almost crushing the vendors. Pedistrians continue to ignore this whole mess as if saying "Its none of my business" and go on with life completely unaware of blaring horns, the yelling people and stalling any attempt of the traffic to move ahead..!!

When you finally do manage to get out of this chaos....it feels like.....finally being able to rip apart the extremely tight shirt you were wearing. As you take it off, you feel the breath coming back to you..you let out a sigh aaaaahhhhhh....FINALLY...!

Poem - for him..!

And then the song birds flew,

Leaving just you n me and the dew,

The silence, Silver…

And while it lingered, what we said, was gold.

A shallow breeze and a twinkle,

Soft breath of my body, your eyes meeting mine.

Thousands of years ago, or is it just here and now,

Today seems forever, can you tell me how?!

Letter to my father..!

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west -
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.
We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow
To those who love us best.
~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

I fight with him. Argue. Answer back. I am rude. Inconsiderate. Rash. He is patient. Loving. Caring. He listens. Supports. Kind. My Father. My friend.

I remember my dad teaching me geography with the help of a football. He took me to a balcony and switched on the light on one side and showed me how the earth moves...and rotates and how seasons change. I've never forgotten that lesson. And many other's that were not deliberately taught but things i learnt. From him.

I know the sacrifices you've made daddy. The life of a party now sits at home and just wants his children around. We don't always oblige. Running away in our own worlds, leaving you waiting for us to come back. To share. Today, i just want to let you know that, we value and understand these sacrifices and this love you shower on us. Forgive us our youth and inexperience.

FATHER & MOTHER - I couldn't have given a better name for GOD. I love you daddy...always always will.

And then it rained.....

Soft cautious feet find their way through the muck...avoiding as much of it as possible....looking down intently for any puddles that might splash water...there's a slight drizzle and she is trying to get there faster but the muck is....uhhhhhh.....!! Finally she makes it to the bus stop...the shelter provides some relief but not completely. She looks around and wonders if she's at the right place. Is this the same place? So many years have gone by and she cant quiet remember if this was the bus stop or the one after this. So many changes have taken place, the city hardly looks the way it used to. She smiles at the thought of herself more than 9 years ago standing at this very road, waiting for the bus to take her to her office. That was 1991...9 years? Has it been that long..?! So many years...wasted, lived, cherished, dismissed!! She stands there, her thoughts in another lifetime.

There were hardly any passerby's and the few who crossed the street hardly took notice of the 45 year old lean and short woman standing at the bus stop with a canvas bag on her shoulder. Padmini had lived most of her adult life in Pune. She came to Mumbai to give a job interview, didn't get the job but got herself a husband. Shishir and Padmini settled down to the fast paced, zero family time kind of a life of Mumbai. Padmini was never madly in love with Shishir, she just knew that he was the kind of man she wanted to marry. Shishir was responsible, sensible, practical and he was crazy about Padmini. Padmini saw it as a 'wise' decision more than anything...!

There are certain things that one can't talk about. Something inside of you always stops you from taking that plunge, from giving your 'all' to someone. Padmini held on, too tight..to herself. Shishir showered her with everything he had...and it wasn't until about two years after their marriage that Shishir realized how little he knew his wife. The more he showered her with love, the more she withdrew from him. They divorced in 1991 on 21st May, same day that Rajiv Gandhi died.

Nine years later, Padmini was more in love with Shishir than she'd ever been. Sometimes it takes someone to turn their backs on you for you to realize how much you leaned on them. Padmini moved back to Pune after her divorce and told herself she was much happier without the chains and burdens of marriage. Shishir took up a job in Hyderabad and bravely nursed a broken heart.

A few years later, a matter related to property came up, a joint property that Shishir and Padmini owned. Shishir flew down from Hyderabad, they met at the lawyers and later exchanged stories over a cup of coffee. A lot happened over coffee. She found a friend in him. He told her funny stories about his work and the people around him. She hardly stopped laughing. They parted on a promise to keep in touch.

Padmini had never felt this way before. At 39, she was in love with a man who was her husband for three years...a man who had loved her no end. It was like she had never heard his stories, never seen him laugh and never felt his warmth. Of course she was the one who was blind. She found herself waiting for him to return her call, sharing things with him that she had scarcely told herself...wondering if he still loved her. He made her come alive. She laughed and weeped at the same time. After 9 long years of their divorce, Padmini and Shishir were going out on a date.

She stood their at the bus stop...waiting for him to come. She smiled with happiness and joy as she saw him coming, he had a smile too. He came close and put his hand on her head and pursed his lips with a smile...it told her everything she wanted to hear, that it was alright. Everything was now alright. And then it rained.......!!

Wishes

I wish i could think of something to write

I wish i could fly

I wish i could eat and never grow fat

I wish there was no poverty

I wish i lived in Italy

I wish i had pots of money

I wish i had my own show to host

I wish i owned the world

I wish the world would go green

I wish i had studied more in school

I wish i can write a book

I wish i had a round bed

I wish he was close

I wish i could go on a never ending drive

I wish i could live a fairy tale of a life

I wish i owned a yacht

I wish i could adopt an orphan

I wish people didn't kill each other

I wish i could live my childhood again just for a day

Ruling stars!

I am a strong believer in star signs. I worship Linda Goodman and find her characteristics of signs pretty accurate. In fact, one of the first things i want to know about a person is the star sign, so that i have a base.....to understand them better. I believe that people with certain star signs are likely to better get along than other's.

I was wondering, you think countries could have star signs? I mean, the way a country behaves..could that have certain patterns? Am not talking about the people of the country..but at a larger..political level. For example, United States of America would be a LEO. Always in the forfront...loves attention, likes to be in the limelight, is arrogant with pride and playful at the same time. Here's something that Linda Goodman says about Leo's "The exasperating thing is that they're quite good at rationalizing things and smoothing out the wrinkles in your life. Too bad they can't manage their own affairs with as much ease and finesse. Leo just can't help feeling superior and behaving dra matically now and then" Now don't we see our very own Uncle Sam in here?

North Korea is a typical SCORPIO baby - Stubborn, uncompromising, unforgiving, exteremly dominating and in need of constant discipline. North Korea has always been in a perpetual conflict with its more peace loving neighbour South Korea. It is now raring to take over the world, forcing everyone to take notice of it. Like a child who won't listen to any reasoning...North Korea is the world's scorpio baby who needs to be handled with a lot of patience and firm action.

While describing a CAPRICORN, Linda Goodman talks about the slow, beaten tortoise and the over confident hare. The hare is carefree and underestimates the tortoise....and looses sight of his goal. The tortoise on the other hand, wins due to sheer determination and focus. A 100 points if you guess who it is?! India? Pakistan? Iran? Nahhhhh...its China. The world almost dismissed...what with its political issues and the never ending population. We saw it more as a burnden than the next super power of the world. Yet there it is, surging ahead....consistantly and ambitiously. Listen to this, "Now study a Capricorn. Where will you find him? Just about anywhere he can advance or improve himself. Any where he can get ahead and further his secret ambitions. Try a social gathering. The Capricorn is not a carefree party type, but the goat we're studying is a social climber as well as a mountain climber". Before we know...the world will be wrapped up in chopsuey and mandarin will be the global language. Make way, the chinese are here!

Now my birthplace, India. My beloved India. Some say she the next super power of the world, some say she's a dominating 'big sister' yet some find her a harbringer of peace and love and spirituality and yoga. Read on - "Librans hate to be rude, yet they'll straighten the crooked picture on your wall and snap off your blaring TV sfft. LIBRANS love people, but they hate large crowds. Like gentle doves of peace, they go around mediating and patching up quarrels between others; still they enjoy a good argument themselves. They're goodnatured and pleasant, but they can also be sulky, and they balk at taking orders". Yes, we are living within a Libran. Thought to be very balanced and good natured, but in reality not always. She has her own set of problems and confusions, she looses control and track and is unsure of where exactly she was heading. But she is kind, a good listner and very helpful.

Get the drift?! A lot more analysis can go into this..and who knows...we may have a science of political behaviour!!

I, me and thyself..!

Try this. Sit alone in a room and think about 'nothing'. Just don't think. Simply sit there. No, don't close your eyes and don't concentrate or meditate. Just sit. Your mind will drift. To someone, something, some place, some noise, some smell, some memory. Erase. This you will find is one of the hardest things you'll ever do. To sit with yourself...thinking of nothing but you. The hardest thing to do is to spend time with yourself.

I am not talking spirituality. I believe spirituality is not something you can talk about or teach. So, am not getting philosophical here..! What i mean is, we live inside of us..our ENTIRE life....being so unaware of this thing called ME. This doesn't mean that we are selfless...no...quiet the contrary. We always always put ourselves first. Isn't it funny then, that we find it so difficult to sit with ourselves. We are always thinking of 'the other'. Our world view, our definitions, our values, our self worth, ideas, feelings, smiles are all from that 'other'. Everything that we do or think is because the other exists.

Recently i was watching a movie, Anger Management. This guy (Adam Sandler) goes for anger management therapy. His therapist (Jack Nicholson) asks him, "So tell us Dave, who are you?". Dave starts by saying that he works at so and so company and this is his job. The therapist interrupts him and asks, "I am not asking what you do, i am asking, who are you?" Dave had no answer.

Tell me, Who are you?

Way out?!

Jobs lost. Low investments. Falling GD P's. Financial Gloom. In the United States, 25 banks closed down in 2008 and 36 have gone down in the first quarter of 2009 while a whooping 634 banks have come out as being weeker in the recent 'stress test' of major banks, undertaken by US government. The dollar is weak. United States exports have fallen by about 20% in the last quarter. Billions of dollars have been lost and billions more pumped into the economy to resurrect it.

There are claims from experts that the economy is reviving. At times, people seem to be taking hope from them and we see it reflecting on the stocks. I am no economist. But i do understand that half the world is reeling under immense financial pressure.....that what happens on wall street affects my life/our life here in India.

Like i said, i am no expert. But i feel, the best way out of this situation if for company's in to invest in 'Human Resource'. It's a tough call. Losses are high and most company's aren't even being able to cover the day to day costs, leave alone making profits. But human resources could very well turn out to be the best short term investment a company could make. Not only will that give purchasing power to people, something thats been seeing the downside too, but it will also help them increase their investments.

It might be a simplistic solution or rather option to all the mind bogling strategic steps taken to make nice with the economy. But still, its one worth giving a thought to!