Heartfelt II

She sat by the window...the grill obstructing her view at places. Raindrops kept falling on her bare hands and a part of her t-shirt that was touching the grill was soaking wet. But she didn't realize any of this. She just sat there...not thinking...not dreaming...not sad and neither happy. Lazy times. A rare leisure.

A phone call brought her back from nothingness. It was an old school friend, someone she'd not spoken to in years. She lived abroad now and was down for a couple of weeks. Standing by the window and talking and laughing, Shruti suddenly became aware of the heavy rain and the water soaked hem of her t-shirt. She realized how shabby she looked and thought she should finally wear the green kurti she bought 2 months ago but had left it unpacked. She needed a haircut....badly. A lunch plan was made. She would be seeing Deepty after ages...she wanted to look good..feel good.

Over lunch, Shruti lost track of time. They spoke of school days...their class teacher and principal...old classmates. They exchanged funny stories and for a couple of hours went back to morning assembly, recess periods, pulling skirts to make them shorter and the vada pav stall at the corner. It was easy..easy to talk, to forget...to let go. Sometimes when you get lost in today...yesterday does a pretty good job of leading you back. Shruti spoke about her today....and somehow it was easier to talk about it than she had imagined. Deepty spoke of her experiences...not very similar to Shruti's but not too different either. "You know Shruti, we give the keys to people too soon...the keys to drive us crazy". This simple line stuck in Shruti's head all the way back home. She kept thinking about it and for the first time in more than one and a half year, she told herself something that she should have long time back - Its over.

Is this how freedom smells? The damp air rising up and giving her a sudden burst into fresh air. She felt like she was in a meadow and not between an impossible traffic jam. She'd lifted this heavy package since so long..now it was gone..she had dropped it and she felt light, her shoulders slumped in relief and she let out a sigh. She couldn't stop smiling. The smile slowly turned into a laugh. For all the times....the beautiful beautiful memories he'd left...for all the kind words...all the caring and all the fun. Raj seemed like a different person all together, all of a sudden. He stood for all that she'd wished for, hoped for and longed for. She chased him, pinned him down and pushed him...to belong, to hold, to stay. But, it was over. Finally, it was over.

The auto rickshaw had a mirror. Shruti leaned a little towards her right and caught an image of herself...and smiled.

Heartfelt

And then he just turned around and left. She stood there watching him leave. His words had not hurt her as much as the fact that he left without once turning behind. Like he'd dismissed her from his life in that one moment. Everything was left behind.

Strangely, she didn't cry. She turned around and made a call to the client to say that the artwork will be ready by evening. Matter of factly. Casually. As if this was some idle Tuesday..life was normal and everything hadn't changed.

Life was a rush. Life also lay deep beneath phone calls, client meetings, emails, prints, coffee, sleep, tantrums, fights, men...!! She felt still at times...as if life was revolving around her at a pace she couldn't keep up.

"Where did you keep the file i gave you this morning?". She looked blankly at the voice who seemed to be asking the question. It took a couple of minutes for her to register who he was and what was he talking about. Once she figured that...all that came out of her mouth was "I don't know, I don't know where i put it....it must be here somewhere..give me 5 min, I'll look for it". It took her half hour to locate the file. A few days later, she sat admiring a Saree that her mother bought. She sat with it in her lap and stroked the fabric while talking of mundane things. Nobody could tell, neither could she at that moment as to why suddenly had she burst out in tears. She cried...in loud gasps. This was the first time since that day 18 months ago that she had let herself go.

"It was the texture, Purvi, I'm telling you...it was the texture of the Saree that made me cry. Suddenly i realized that i couldn't feel my emotions like i felt the Saree...I honestly can't feel anything..for anyone...for anything. I just don't care anymore"

This is Shruti's story. Somewhere yours and mine too. The things we do to each other. We ravage and inflict on each other's minds. Imposing, snatching, scratching and hurting...so much!

Shruti's story is not over. Not yet. Look out for more.

Go Woman!!

I love the attitude :) Hillary Clinton making her mark. Coming out of the shadows of a more powerful and charismatic husband. Admirable. Much like our very own Sonia Gandhi, who has created a brand identity very unique and independent from that of her late husband, Mr. Rajiv Gandhi. Women who've risen to the occassion and have come up a long way with confidence, grace, attitude and pride.

All that i am - Brokeback Mountain

Affirmative action..!!

Everybody called me 'Kasturba' back in school. They tortured me. At first it was ok but then it got ugly and out of hand. I remember crying by myself cause i was teased to no extent. Then one day, a senior, Junaid stood up for me. He bullied my classmates into shutting up and warned them not to tease me. The teasing ceased. I had hero worship in my eyes for Junaid. My classmates resumed the teasing after a term or so. This time i didn't cry, i blasted the hell out of them. Kasturba left and left behind a stronger Kasturi.

Every time India faces a terrorist attack, it sobs, in private. Giving everybody the benefit of doubt. We give Kasab a fair trial and capital punishment to prime suspects in bomb attack after 6 long years of probing. Big brother US intervenes and the attacks cease, for a while!! After so many years of hearing Pakistan's tall stories, India has still failed to stand for itself. It has failed to emerge stronger and firmer. In the 9 months of Kasab's arrest, he has not revealed anything of importance, has given no leads, has not aided in the capture of the master minds. And yet, he lives. What for? World Peace? Because he wants to meet his mother or wants a sweet girl to tie him a rakhi? I mean, WHAT? Its ridiculous. Do away with him...castrate him, kill him...set an example. For once, make a statement and say "We are not here to take crap"

Read - http://blogs.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Mocking-Bird/entry/no-kabab-for-kasab

Stormy Affiar..!!

Rakhi Savant affects our lives. She does. You may or may not have an opinion about Aishwarya Rai or about the Taj Mahal or about the dump of garbage just outside your colony. These are things that just exist...you say 'Ash is beautiful'...'Ohh yes I've been to Taj mahal' or 'Bloody, its stinking here' and you move on. BUT Rakhi is a different thing. You are involved in her life. In what is happening to her and what she's doing. You hate her. You watch her. You talk about her. Sometimes its her break up that you laugh about, sometimes its just the way she talks and sometimes its her wedding. Hell...i am writing my blog about her! The point is, as of today, she is the hottest selling item on the market. Even more than Kasab. People have lost their interest in Kasab, but Rakhi's contract marriage continues to create waves.

Frankly, I like Rakhi Savant. People may think her a dumb bimbo but i cant help admiring her intelligence and gumption. I always have a feeling like she's the one having the last laugh. She must be going to bed with wonderful thoughts of all that she has managed to achieve...all the people who've noticed her, spoken about her,oogled at her and googled her. She is the living example of the best marketing funda ever, "Any publicity is good publicity". She was here to get noticed, she has.

People may talk about her virtues,how morally sound she is and exclaim that the Indian Culture is going to the dogs. Its really funny how they do this. Imagine, a man sitting in front of the television, switching channels. Stops at a news channel giving a detailed analysis of Rakhi's contract wedding and all the controversies related to it. There's a panel of memebers giving their opinion. Very similar to how our budget is discussed on news channels. He stops on that channel and continuously talks about how Rakhi is such a sham and a shameless woman with no values whatsoever. He criticises the media for giving her so much coverage and calls it RIDICULOUS. All this while never taking his eyes off the set. Such double standard idiots we are.

All I can say for Rakhi is 'Go Rakhiiii'. This woman, born to a poor policeman dreamt of taking on the world by a storm. She's created the storm, perhaps not in the direction she wanted it to go but we've got a storm nonetheless!


"A man's face is his autobiography. A woman's face is her work of fiction" - Oscar Wilde