I want to talk...just talk!

I want to talk..........just talk.....!! You know one of those times when you want to let it all out? Not all that i feel makes sense...but why does everything 'have' to make sense all the time?? I want someone to listen, just listen.... I don't want solutions, i don't want directions, i don't want advice... I want an ear..thats all..!
I want to talk about a million things - about what is it that i look forward to each day, what makes me happy and what is it that is making me unhappy, about the colour of the sky when i was returning today and the conversation i had with God (someone whom i don't believe in), about the house that i saw from the window of an old rattling bus and the emotions that i felt, the images that i saw, about an old man who climbed the bus with an old torn bag..he looked like my grandfather. about my mother who feels distant from me, about a boy who makes me laugh, about a man i love, about how my tears refuse to roll down when i so want them to, about how my head aches and i cant stop thinking...he tells me not to think...but scarlett O Hara had that ability to put aside a thought and say 'i will think about this tomorrow when i can bear it, not now'. Trust me i have tried that....god, it works in books........doesnt work with me...!
I look for a story...in my life...and the problem is that there is none. My life is as ordinary and regular as my neighbours or of the million other people living. Nothing out of the way is happening, there is no excitment, no thrill. I am neither a hero nor a villan not even a side actor...! Perhaps thats what causes all the problems..the fact that i look for a story..when there is none my mind makes one..tries to. A mind that does not know a shit about what its saying..and why...a mind without directions, without control and without logic. It just goes berserk. He is right, he makes sense..tries to give a direction to my thoughts, tries to control it...to bring it to a reality called 'Life'. I am stubborn and resist it, try to push it away..a beautiful story, a dream is being taken away...he tells me its necessary to let it go...its important...i know it is i say....and..........finally i surrender, give up and Life is Life again, she is real...standing there in front of me..mocking me for my stupid,feeble effort...she's got the better of me, she always does...she knows best and she is stubborn like hell....always does what she wants,always gets her way...LIFE...!
Got you - I have my story here...!